Letter to a Friend

Just recently, one of my friends in New York City was dumped by his girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine), in that painful, bewildering time following a breakup, when men feel the gamut of emotions from elation, betrayal, anger, rage, intense love, regret and much more, he asked me for help. I've been there before (many, many times, it seems) and wanted to offer him the kind of tough love I wish I had been given years ago.  Thought I would share that letter with everyone here.


Brother, let's be honest. The only reason you want to go on a date with that girl is because you think it will help you win your ex back. It won't. It only makes you look stupid. Don't be pathetic.

I know you're in pain over the breakup. As guys, we want to win. At all costs. If a girl dumps us, we want to show her that she's losing out on the prize. Truth is, the more you play up to the ex, the more you look the chump and she stays the prize. What you want is to turn that around and that requires discipline.

As men, we want to conquer and be masculine. We want the women to fawn over us. We want them to think we're gods. When they break up with us, we want them to feel pain too. More importantly, we want to strike back in a way that demonstrates that they've lost out on the greatest thing that's ever happened to them.

Well, the more you try to tell your ex that message, you just confirm her decision to leave you.

What you need to be is strategic. Walk away. Don't call her. Don't text her. Don't be available for her. Women love attention. They want us fawning over them - even if they don't have intentions to take it further. That lavishing of attention confirms that they are the prize. You want to strike back? Demonstrate that she no longer is the prize and you've moved on (presumably to someone hotter, sexier and nicer).

The only way to achieve this is to walk away. Cold Turkey. Hard science. No lingering around, or phone calls to see how you're doing. Nothing. This of course doesn't mean that you act like a jerk to her. That only makes you look like an asshole and confirms that she's the prize and you're the lout she (correctly) dumped. Be nice. Be pleasant. Be respectful. But don't extend or accept an invitation. For anything.

And, God forbid, don't start trying to date someone that she knows because everyone knows that's just you trying to get back at her - and that makes you look pathetic.

Maybe your end game is to get her back. This is the way to do it. Demonstrate to her that your life continues on. You live a magical life that she removed herself from. She'll wonder about you. She might even call you. But the moment you lose it and act like a lout, you've confirmed her decision to leave you. The more brilliant your live is after her, the more she will question her decision - and if you want to get her back in the future, this is exactly the question you want forming in her head.

So, get out there and live. Do the things you want to do. Do the girls you want to do. The hunt is on and the world is your oyster. Date hot girls. Date nice girls. Date bad girls. But never tell her directly - even if she asks. And she will, because every girl desires to be (or to have been) the brightest star in your horizon - and if she isn't, and you're surrounded by girls who are perceived hotter than her, she'll regret it.

But the truth is, soon you'll find yourself doing amazing without her. You'll meet another girl who is more in sync and in tune with what you want in life. In time, this ex will be a fond memory in your life. A component of your life that's part of the whole that makes you. Chances are, you won't think of going back.

On the other hand, maybe the time will come when time has passed, you've lived your life, she's lived hers and then you find each other again. It will be better. It always is better.

2010 and Onwards

After a night of revelry into the wee hours of the morning there must be something wrong with me penning this post on New Year's Day, but I guess it's time for another one of those Year In Review things.

2010 was a pretty good year. A year with ups and downs. A year that started off in darkness. A year filled with challenges. Notably, it was a year that none of my friends passed away.

One year ago, I listed some "resolutions" and here is how I fared:

- Eat more. Yes.
- Drink more. Not really.
- Party more. Sometimes too much.
- Meet more women. As though it were a vengeance.
- Learn more. Check.
- Explore more. Check.
- Travel more. Check.
- Speak my mind more often. Too much.
- Love more. Finally.
- Return to Paris. Check.
- Return to Honolulu. Failed.
- Visit Spain. Failed.
- Seek more fortune. Check.
- Spread goodwill. Check.
- Meet more people. Check.
- Be a good uncle. Bad Uncle.

Here are some of the highlights (or lowpoints) of 2010.

In 2010:
- project hampden opened into Spro Hampden.
- we dazzled people with great coffee.
- I found myself with a group of great coffee people.
- I was mired in darkness during the first quarter.
- I finally dated someone that all my friends hated.
- I found out why - the hard way.
- I reconnected with someone from my past.
- I met my new niece.
- I partied again in L.A.
- I nearly got sucked into the lifestyle in L.A.
- I found that London is really kind of a "meh" city.
- I smoked great weed in Copenhagen.
- I experienced Europe via train.
- I cheated by going first class on the TGV.
- I joined a gym.
- I went once. In February.
- I've been thinking about going back.
- I cut my hair.
- I traveled to Vancouver, Victoria and Seattle.
- I realized that I follow too many coffee people on twitter.
- I finally started tweeting.
- I did not quit facebook.
- I finally got that HD camera I've been wanting.
- I did not make Mileage Plus Premier Executive.

Facing Forward
Now that it's 2011 it's time to think about the year ahead. Still so much to do and I think I'm in the years where the mid-life crisis is supposed to begin. So here are some of the things I would like to accomplish in 2011:

- Buy a Ferrari.
- Be an existent uncle.
- Travel more.
- Attain Premier Executive status again.
- Love more.
- Meet more people.
- Get to the gym more.
- Understand business better.
- Learn more.
- Return to Paris.
- Return to Manila.
- Don't get killed in the process.


Simple goals for the year ahead! Happy New Year!

Brasserie L'Ecole

Quadra Island Mussels - harissa, fino sherry, lime gremolatta.

How to dine at one of Victoria's hottest French brasseries on a Saturday night? Go at 10pm, be nice and chances are you'll get a nice table and some wine.

That's my strategy for eating at some of the hottest places worldwide. Go early or go late. Most people want to eat sometime in the middle. Avoid those times. If you go early, then be prepared to finish quickly, as I did at Le Severo in Paris. That way, the restaurant turns their table, takes care of their reservations and you got to eat a meal at a restaurant most people can't seem to get a table.

The praise for Brasserie l'ecole is seemingly universal here in Victoria. Everyone says it's the best place in town. Guess that's enough for me since I'd prefer not to eat at Denny's. Located on Government in Chinatown, it's location seems odd to me. Garish Chinatown to the left and the hookers of Government Street to the right. Guess it's that way in case you want some exercise after dinner.


Medjool Dates with smoked almonds and roquefort cheese.

The food is classic French bistro cuisine. There's an assortment of offerings, like creamed morels, scallops, jamon serrano, poussin, duck confit and the like. However, I'm in the mood for more classic brasserie fare such as steak frites and moules mouclade.

Sadly, most places don't do a curry sauce for their moules but l'ecole is offering a slightly spicy harissa based sauce with local mussels. I opt for that, along with stuffed dates, to start and a glass of the 2007 Chateau Goudrelle Vouvray. It's a perfectly delectable pairing.


Steak - 10z angus NY striploin

Moving on it's Steak Frites and there's an offering of sirloin and NY striploin steaks. To be honest, I'm not a fan of the sirloin or striploin. To my mind, they're a North American aberration because North Americans are too "afraid" of French cuts. Give me onglet or ribeye and I'm very happy. Only offer NY Strip and I'm not impressed.

After spending over a week in France and being in a French-speaking country (Canada) and in a French restaurant, I thought my server would understand when I said that I would like the steak cooked "au point", but he didn't and medium rare would suffice. Oh well, the guy did give great recommendations on wine and mussels so all is forgiven.

The steak itself was cooked properly but the NY Strip lacks the bold flavor I prefer so it's just okay. Good, but okay. Topped with roquefort butter and served with a red wine sauce, it's a classic and paired nicely with a glass of the Chateau de Caraguilhes Corbieres.


Frites

The frites were offered either as "Classic" with sea salt or prepared in their special way with duck fat oil and parmesan cheese. Give me the classic preparation because I need no other!!!!

The frites were pretty good. A generous portion for the steak they're cut thin and just about as thin as I can stand. While I think that battered fries are an abomination to mankind, thin crispy fries are almost as bad and should be outlawed by the United Nations. Give me standard cut fries, double fried crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. Short of that, these would do.


Lovers

As I sat at my table, I couldn't help but express voyeuristic tendencies by watching the couple nearby. So in love, I thought. How pleasant. Holding hands, gazing into each others eyes. She's quite attractive and young. He's older and not as good-looking. What is his secret, I wondered? Maybe he's got something big in his trousers - like a wallet. Maybe he's a genuinely nice guy and landed himself a nice, pretty girl. Well good for them. I thought about sending over some champagne.


Brasserie "l'ecole"
1715 Government Street
Victoria, BC V8W 1Z4
(250) 475-6260
www.lecole.ca

Sight & Sound: Video

Ana calls to discuss the finer points of our trip to London.

Maybe I'm just a bit weird, but after much time trying to avoid it, I finally have succumb to video chat. The best thing about video chat is that it's cheap and doesn't burn your cell phone account. The worst thing about it is that it's just, well, strange.

You're talking and you want to look at the screen, but the camera is placed just slightly above the screen so you (and your partner) are constantly looking somewhere else and everything is just slightly off. That's when the media side of me kicks in and remembers to look into the camera, then I can only see the camera. Argh! Maybe they'll find a way to incorporate the camera into the screen so it actually looks like you're looking at each other.

Either way, it was actually kind of fun.

Stumped in SoCal

In the night I hear them talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul,
To a woman so heartless.
How could she be so heartless?

This morning I'm feeling a little stumped.

Last night I was talking with a friend who's known me for many, many years. She knows me very well and has followed my adventures and exploits with equal amounts of amusement, disapproval and disdain. And when I'm in need of a course correction, she's been there to admonish me whether I liked it or not, whether I asked for it or not.

She hit me with some simple science. That for years, she's watched as I've traveled the world and dated different women - always choosing to eject out of the relationship the moment before we got "too close." It's what's she's come to expect of me and how surprised (or not, or maybe impressed) she's been over the past eight months as I tried to forge and maintain a relationship deeper than two inches with someone back home.

Hmmm, I didn't know what to think at first. Did she think I was really that shallow in my previous relationships? I liked all of them. Cared for all of them. I'm still on good terms with all (most) of them. But I had to admit in the end that maybe she was right. Maybe I did keep them all short because I wanted to avoid entanglements.

She noted that it not only was out of character for me to try to have a relationship but to have one with someone at home? Unheard of. Completely out of character. I tried to argue and plead a case that she was wrong, but I couldn't. I hadn't dated anyone at home in years. I guess I hadn't met anyone I found interesting and compelling enough to bother.

Everyone I had dated lived elsewhere, she said. But that wasn't the point. The point was that she was surprised I actually tried and that gave her hope in the world (really?). She's always encouraged me to find someone to be "serious" with and I've always fought her on that request.

In the end, the relationship at home didn't work out. Toss out eight months of my life on that one, I told her. "That's not the point, dumbass," said she. "The point is that you went through it and tried, which leaves you open and ready for the person you were meant to be with.

Hmmm, seems that June can't get here soon enough...

Far Bar

DJ Un-G on the Wheels of Steel.

After over ten days of non-stop going out, partying, drinking and staying up late, I'm starting to feel fatigued. But it's Saturday night in L.A. and time to continue the party. Tonight we're at Far Bar in Japantown where DJ Un-G is spinning the tracks and Fabiola is the cute Mexican makeup artist from Jalisco with a taste for tacos al pastor and the now seemingly ubiquitous penchant for Morrissey and The Smiths.


The Guys checking out The Chicks.



Christine and Fabiola

L.A. Two Three Five

With Jane at La Piazza in The Grove.

We're back on the town again where Jane has culled her girls for drinks at La Piazza at The Grove. I get there a little late and things are rolling along smoothly. A couple of perfect Sapphire Tonics later and things really are rolling smoothly. There's talk of late night drinking back at the house but I've got to meet up with the boys for a little business talk.

L.A. - they keep telling me the opportunity is here. It's late night talk about an on-going discussion and I think I'm starting to listen.


The Bob and Kim, who's got a show on Fox this season.



The Boys discuss.

Mystery Fail: An Update

Stephanie Jacobsen as Kendra Shaw with Apollo and Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica.

Okay, feel free to call me a geek because I finally figured out why that girl at Intelligentsia Venice Beach had me so intimidated the other day. She was the XO on the Battlestar Pegasus in Battlestar Galactica: Razor and her name is Stephanie Jacobsen.

I had been racking my brain all day long trying to figure out where I had seen her before and it wasn't until my 3am drive down the 110 Freeway that it hit me: "She's frakking Kendra Shaw!!!

God, I'm so lame.

After ten years in The Biz, it's very rare for me to get excited about an actress or celebrity. But ever since I saw her on BSG, I was a fan - not a very good one since I didn't recognize her straightaway, but a half-chinese, half-white girl with foreign accent? I'm in love and I'm intimidated enough not to approach her at a coffee shop, evidently.

Geek. Lame. Fail.

Wurstkuche

Marianne googles 7.5 on her Blackberry.

As I'm lounging around the house on Hermosa, I receive a text telling me that we're meeting at Wurstkuche in downtown Los Angeles. Hop into the car and it's a quick shot up the 110 freeway to downtown L.A. where I've been promised to find sausage delight.

Hmmm, not quite sure how that one came off...

Wurstkuche is simply a brat haus. A place for grilled sausages and beer. The girls went for the simple green chiles and cilantro sausage with white truffle fries. I went a little more exotic with the Filipino style longanisa and the duck and bacon with jalapeno pepper sausages. I got my fries plain.


Sandra with the Filipino Maharlika and Duck & Bacon Jalapeno sausages.

The Filipino Maharlika was decent. Sweet with a little spice, just like a regular longanisa should taste but the thick crust on the bun started to interfere with not just the texture but also threatening to overwhelm the palate with bun instead of sausage.

The duck and bacon sausage, on the other hand, demonstrated a little more bold. Sweet, spicy and with hints of bacon, it seemed to be the winner of the group. Add a side of fries, some curry ketchup and chipotle ketchup as your condiments and it's tasty eating all the way around.


Wurstkuche
800 East 3rd Street
Los Angeles, CA 90013
213-687-4444
www.wurstkucherestaurant.com

Thai Me Up, Thai Me Down

Pad Thai with chicken and shrimp.


Chicken Curry Rice.


Pondering where to begin.

Salo This!

Polly with pickled cucumber and garlic peanuts.


Kare Kare.


Crispy Pata.


Al and Polly share buko juice.


Pancit Bihon.


Beef Caldereta.


Lucy...


Lucy...


And Lucy.

Moons Over My Hammy

Grandslam Sandwich





Moons Over My Hammy

Saturday Night Dress For Less

Ana just getting started.

If you had told me that I would travel across America just so that I could shop at Ross Dress For Less on a busy Saturday night, I would have told you that you were crazy.

Guess who's the crazy one now...

@ Intelligentsia Venice Beach

The living wall entryway at Intelli VB.


Black Cat Cappuccino and Serra Do Bone Cappuccino.


Like old times?

Going to L&L

Ana with Chicken Katsu Curry and BBQ Mixed Plate.


BBQ Mixed Plate: teriyaki beef, teriyaki chicken and kalbi beef with two scoop rice and mac salad.


Haupia.


Checking out the Spam Musubi for tomorrow's breakfast.

The 9th Circle

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived"
-Margaret Mitchell

In Dante's Inferno, Hell is described as nine circles of suffering within the Earth. The very bottom circle, The Ninth Circle, is reserved for those who have betrayed a special relationship of some kind. At the very center of Hell is Satan, waist deep in ice, with three heads, each one chewing on a traitor: Brutus, Cassius and Judas Iscariot. It is a perverted trinity of Satan's impotence, ignorance and hate, contrasted to the all-powerful, all-knowing and loving nature of God.

Betrayal by a trusted loved one is the most painful of all.

Bon Voyage, Janet!

Our guests get the party underway.

Janet is leaving for Kentucky this week, so Anisha and I are hosting a dinner party in her honor.

I'm not one who usually hosts dinner parties so it's a treat for me to do some of the planning. Originally, I figured Anisha would do all the food and I would simply be the FOH lackey, but since she insisted that I do some of the apps courses, it was time to step up. Oh crap.


Braised oxtail for the buns

Even the best laid plans are sent off track and since I'm never one with the best laid plans, my tracks are sure to run straight off the road.

Saturday morning we're off to the farmer's market where I'm seeking pork belly to make adobo buns: roasted adobo style belly in gwa pao buns with spicy pickled cucumber and cilantro. First stop: Woolsey Farm where Cindy is out of belly but has some oxtail on hand. I'll take it all, please. Of course, all she has is one whole oxtail. Really? Already I've been waylaid twice and we're just getting started!


Ahi Poke Crostini on Japanese sweet toast

As we scour the farmer's market and our subsequent trip to H-Mart, I find collaborating with Anisha to be quite easy and comforting. There's an easy-going relaxed attitude between us that doesn't mind when plans are waylaid by missing ingredients or having to make things up on the fly and adjusting the menu as we go along. There's none of the rigidity and subsequent panic that accompanies collaborating with other people, simply adjust and adapt. I like that.

By the time we get to H-Mart on Sunday afternoon, we find that they don't have mussels. What to do about all those mussel ingredients we've already purchased? Forge ahead substituting shrimp instead. The real question comes when it's time to select the fish. We want something big and impressive but the white fishes (like Red Snapper) are all a bit too small for the statement we want to make.


Whole Shrimp in Curry Cream Sauce

Oddly enough, there's a massive bluefish in the case that's just the size fish we're looking for. Problem is, neither of us has cooked or worked with bluefish before. A quick peek at Wikipedia on my iPhone doesn't tell us much more than bluefish can be mealy (not good) and that some people just don't like eating bluefish (bad). After debating for a few minutes, we decide to go full speed ahead and go with the bluefish.

Meanwhile, Chuck has come out to help with some of the preparation. He's stripping the oxtails and preparing the buns for assembly.


Grilled Asparagus with Sauteed Mushrooms, blue cheese, walnuts and cranberries

Oxtail Gwa Pao
- Braised oxtails
- Gwa Pao buns
- Pickled Cucumber
- Cilantro

Adobo Braised Oxtails
- Brine oxtails in a solution of water, soy sauce and sugar seasoned with garlic, bay leaf and whole black peppercorns for a minimum twelve hours.
- Sear oxtails in large pan suitable for braising until all sides are browned. Work in batches, if necessary.
- Place all oxtails in pan and cover in a mixture of red wine and beef stock (or water).
- Braise oxtails in the oven or on the stovetop at a low simmer for five hours, topping off braising liquid as necessary.
- Once oxtails have been cooked, chill and refrigerate in braising liquid.
- Strip all meat from bones and set aside, discarding bones.
- Reduce braising liquid on the stovetop until thick and syrupy.
- Reserve some of the reduction for drizzling.
- Mix meat with reduction and season to taste.


Beet & Watercress Salad with Feta Cheese and Blood Oranges

Pickled Cucumber in Cocount Vinegar
- Slice cucumber into thin strips
- Create a pickling solution of sugar, water, fresh dill and spicy coconut vinegar.
- Submerge sliced pickles in solution for minimum one hour.

To Assemble:
- Take frozen (now thawed) gwa pao buns and fill with slices of pickled cucumber, braised oxtail and some cilantro.
- Steam completed bun in steamer until hot and serve.


Mom chats with Janet.

Janet and her son Tommy and his wife Amy are amongst the first to arrive, and that's a good thing. It's always nice when the honored is about to meet their celebrants as they arrive. I've only recently gotten to know Janet and I can see why she's so special to Anisha. I just hope that Janet doesn't hate me.

One by one, the guests start arriving and their met by drinks and food, and what better way to be met than by friends, drinks and food? The apps are out, the greens are out and I'm ferrying the dishes from across the street where Anisha is putting the finishing touches on the main courses.


Roasted Bluefish stuffed with Japanese Wild Rices and Roasted Chickens

Here's the menu:

- Ahi Poke Crostini
- Braised Oxtail Gwa Pao
- Whole Shrimp in Curry Cream
- Mixed Greens Salad
- Watercress & Beet Salad with blood oranges and feta cheese
- Grilled Asparagus with sauteed mushrooms, walnuts, bleu cheese and cranberries
- Roasted Potato Medley with fresh baked buns
- Woolsey Farm Whole Roasted Free-Range Chickens
- Roasted Whole Bluefish stuffed with Japanese Mixed Rices
- Bread Pudding
- Red Velvet Cake

Beverages:
- A selection of wines by James and Austin
- Iced Tea
- Mexican Coke
- Dewar's Whiskey
- Bacardi Rum


James and John confer over their selections.

Finally, the main courses are ready to be brought over but the problem is the fish. It's so darn big that we don't have a platter big enough for it. But it will fit on the marble slab Anisha uses as a cutting board. As I lug it into the back to clean it off, it's a monster. The thing weighs a ton. Crap. There's no way I could wrestle this marble beast flat, with a large roasted fish on top, all the way across the street by myself. No way.

Luckily, Chuck and Jeremy are at hand and we ferry the chickens and the fish out the door, down the stairs, across the street, through the rain and into the party where delighted guests await the final presentation.


The Spread.

From there, it was relatively easy peasy. Let everyone mingle, eat, drink and hopefully have a good time. Anisha and I invited her friends, Janet's friends and some of my friends. Crafting a list of invitees to something like this is a bit of a challenge. How do you balance the guest list so the party is filled with agreeable people meeting each other for the first time?


Classic Anisha and her food.

But, from the feedback I've received from our guests, the party was a success. Janet and her family had a good time and everyone loved Anisha's food.

And isn't that what it's all about?

Bon Voyage, Janet!