Sunday, December 17, 2006

Seven Days 'til Christmas

This is the time of the year when I wish I was travelling. I'd much rather be in some foreign land, alone, during Christmas. That way I don't have to see all the fucking happiness going on. It drives me nuts.

Everywhere you go there are people wishing happiness on each other. In just a few days they'll be cursing and giving the finger to each other, but that's what the Christmas Spirit is all about: being fake to each other for about a month.. Sure, the lights are pretty and the crispy weather means you can wear your nice coat and snuggle up to someone warm, but I have neither a nice coat nor a snuggle friend so I'm left hanging out in the cold watching some cheap WalMart lighting blink on and off.

It's not pretty.

But I can manage being cocooned in all this psuedo-happiness. What drives me absolutely fucking insane though is the bloody Christmas music that every radio station deigns that it must play. Hey, Mister DeeJay, turn that shit off! I'm tuning into your rock station so I can hear rock music. I want to hear Metallica's Enter the Sandman and not Frosty The Snowman.

Seven days. I hope I'll make it.

New York Fatties

I've been reflecting on my trip to the Big Apple this past week and I've come across an interesting revelation.

The American Media continually touts the Obese-ification of America and everywhere I turn, it seems to be true. Walk around Baltimore and there are chubby people everywhere. Chubby people, fat people, BBW people, Thunder Thigh people. Diets abound. Atkins, South Beach, whatever. People constantly talk about "going to the gym" but no one really goes except for the skinny people.

It didn't hit me right away until I had returned to Baltimore - but there are no fat people in New York.

Okay, maybe there are a few fat people. But you walk around New York and just about everyone is in decent physical shape. Maybe New York really is an island unto itself. Maybe it is the center of the universe. Maybe it's just that everyone and their mother WALKS.

No one really drives a car in "The City." It's too penalizing. Parkings' a bitch. And costs too much. Traffic is fucked. Commuting by car from outside Manhattan absolutely sucks. The tolls cost your youngest born. That said, everyone walks. Even if they take the train, they walk. And walk a lot.

I think that's the key to the obesity epidemic. We need to walk. So many people I know talk about "the way to lose weight" or complain about being chubby. Well, stop yer bitchin' and get to walkin'.

Daniel Craig, in a recent issue of British GQ, discussed how he lost weight and it necessitated him raising his heart rate to 160 bpm for ten minutes. Most of us fat-asses would have a heart attack at 160. We just need to walk more and let the sweat start.

In fact, I'm going to walk over to Hooter's for fuel and inspiration...