Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Stumped in SoCal

In the night I hear them talk,
The coldest story ever told,
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul,
To a woman so heartless.
How could she be so heartless?

This morning I'm feeling a little stumped.

Last night I was talking with a friend who's known me for many, many years. She knows me very well and has followed my adventures and exploits with equal amounts of amusement, disapproval and disdain. And when I'm in need of a course correction, she's been there to admonish me whether I liked it or not, whether I asked for it or not.

She hit me with some simple science. That for years, she's watched as I've traveled the world and dated different women - always choosing to eject out of the relationship the moment before we got "too close." It's what's she's come to expect of me and how surprised (or not, or maybe impressed) she's been over the past eight months as I tried to forge and maintain a relationship deeper than two inches with someone back home.

Hmmm, I didn't know what to think at first. Did she think I was really that shallow in my previous relationships? I liked all of them. Cared for all of them. I'm still on good terms with all (most) of them. But I had to admit in the end that maybe she was right. Maybe I did keep them all short because I wanted to avoid entanglements.

She noted that it not only was out of character for me to try to have a relationship but to have one with someone at home? Unheard of. Completely out of character. I tried to argue and plead a case that she was wrong, but I couldn't. I hadn't dated anyone at home in years. I guess I hadn't met anyone I found interesting and compelling enough to bother.

Everyone I had dated lived elsewhere, she said. But that wasn't the point. The point was that she was surprised I actually tried and that gave her hope in the world (really?). She's always encouraged me to find someone to be "serious" with and I've always fought her on that request.

In the end, the relationship at home didn't work out. Toss out eight months of my life on that one, I told her. "That's not the point, dumbass," said she. "The point is that you went through it and tried, which leaves you open and ready for the person you were meant to be with.

Hmmm, seems that June can't get here soon enough...

California Love

Puff, puff, pass - do not repeat.