Monday, November 15, 2010

Fondle My Balls, Please.

Do we really need xrays to find what metal detectors are designed for?

"When the TSA was established, it was never envisioned that it would become a huge, unwieldy bureaucracy which was soon to grow to 67,000 employees." "As TSA has grown larger, more impersonal, and administratively top-heavy, I believe it is important that airports across the country consider utilizing the opt-out provision provided by law."
- Representative John Mica, republican

Not long after 9/11, along with the so-called USAPATRIOT Act that started the grand erosion of our civil rights, the government (read: our politicians) decided that they would federalize all of those hapless airport security agents into a big, government bureaucracy. How in the world that anyone of salient being in 2001-2002 could not see the Transportation Security Agency growing into the train wreck that it is today is beyond me.

Even then, the most obtuse amongst us could see a new bureaucracy being formed - how this was good for anyone is anyone's guess.

Nearly ten years later, the TSA is a growing monster filled with long lines, poor customer service and now you get someone to fondle your balls before flying. Never mind the uselessness of taking off your shoes or pulling your laptop out of the bag. Forget the stupidity of dumping 5 ounces of water or a small tub of soft cheese (yes, that happened to me at ORD - guess Illinois doesn't like Wisconsin). Now the government is telling us that we should agree to undergo X-ray screening so that they can see the size of my balls and how it relates to my dick.

Or that girls' vagina.

The TSA administrators assures us that they have "security measures" to "protect our privacy." I'm sorry, but you're the last people I expect to protect my privacy - especially after you've spent the last nine years invading it. Of course, they want us to believe that those TSA people in Florida weren't passing around x-ray images and talking about the size of people's junk. In addition, they want us to believe that those images will be deleted immediately after use. Of course if you believe that, then I wear size 28 pants!

This is more likely.

Perhaps the only way to force the issue is to make it painful all the way around. I can't imagine the TSA people really want to fondle balls (mine or anyone else's), so maybe the best way to get the TSA to cease and desist is to have everyone opt out of the xray scanner and go for the pat down. The lines then become horrifically long, the TSA agents have a lot of balls to handle and it all goes to the crapper (maybe even literally).

All I know is that when I take off later this week for points beyond, I plan on bypassing the xray screening and asking them to touch my balls. Afterall, what's the point in looking at them if they're not going to be handled?