Saturday, July 04, 2009

Three Rules for Young Men

My friend's son is sixteen years old. His mom tells me about a photo she has of me in their photo album holding their infant son sixteen years ago. Amazing. It seems like yesterday.

My friend and his family are visiting for the holiday weekend and it was just myself, my friend, his son and our other friend driving and taking care of things around town. The wives and girls were off doing other things (like shopping).

He's sixteen and fully aware of how things are in the world. Girls, drinking, drugs, sex - he's fed a continuous stream of this diet through media, the Internet and his peer group. As it was when I was that age, there's little to discuss that he hasn't already heard about from his friends at school. About the only advice that "The Bad Uncle" like me can offer is suggestions on approach and technique.

Amongst the guys, we're just a dirty group. It's guy talk and all of us (save for the kid) have been around the block (so to speak) a bit and there's very little use in pretending so it's a straight-up "have you had sex yet?" kind of questions - both he (and his mom) assure us that he has not (yet).

Listen to the kid speak about the kinds of parties they have nowadays where it seems as though blowjobs are doled out as a form of greeting, Three Rules emerged from his suddenly wise father:

1. Don't get drunk.

2. Don't do drugs.

3. Don't give blowjobs.

Three simple rules for young men to live by...