Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Calls From The Morning Rush

Dateline: Typical Weekday, 8:47am

"Spro Coffee Towson."
"Yes, this is Daniel from Excelsior Merchant Services is the owner available?"
"What?"
"Do you accept credit cards? Because we're ready to offer you great rates..."
"Do you know what company you're calling?"
"Yes, Sapporo Coffee."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Yes."
"And do you know what we do?"
"Yes, coffee."
"Then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CALLING IN THE MIDDLE OF MORNING RUSH?!?!?!?!?!"


This usually results with me slamming down the phone on its' cradle for effect.

I've opened a new shop in Towson called Spro Coffee, even went so far as to call Verizon for a new phone line to process credit cards. I haven't released the number to the public so the only people that call are merchant services soliciting business. I've learned that most of these merchant services don't want to talk to a shop owned by a corporation so when they do call on the off-hours, I tell them that we're corporate owned (which we are) and they usually hang up.

I've decided though that as long as they are going to call, I'm going to challenge them. Give me a rate of 1.19%, swipe fee under fifteen cents and no monthly fee and I'll give you a listen.

So call now, I'm standing by.

3 comments:

Andy C said...

Simply awesome. I love flipping the tables on a solicitation. They never learn though.

Oh well, congrats on the new opening. :)

-a

Southern Skies Coffee Roasters said...

It's amazing how quickly the solicitors start jamming a new phone number. The company I work for was getting calls within 2 hours of the line being turned on.

dankbean said...

Our unwritten policy:
transfer calls to 1746.
All calls asking for the Director of Quality, Director of Safety, the HR department (we're 13 people strong; i AM the HR dep't), all get transferred to 1746.


1746 is the fax machine.