Monday, July 14, 2008

The Stigma of Seduction

How To Spot A Dangerous Man - I was interviewed for that book.

Allie and I were wandering around the library today when she pointed out to me the dating books in the Self-Help/Psychology section. As I perused the stacks, one thing hit me: 98% of the books on dating are for women. They're written to help the woman find a man, keep a man, cuckold a man, etc, etc. Where were the books on dating for men?

In today's society, there's a stigma about men studying, reading or learning techniques on dating and picking up women. As though such knowledge will only be used for the nefarious purpose of seduction and sex. Certainly, that is a wonderful end result because everybody wants to be desired and seduced. But it's not always about the sex.

For years I've heard women bemoan the lack of good men while they run into the arms of assholes and tell the nice guys "let's just be friends." They don't understand why some really great guys can't find a nice girl. But have some guys talking about how to meet and pickup girls, or read books on such, and suddenly they're screaming about how "wrong" it is and how it's only about using girls.

Such a strange reaction when in every aspect of our lives we're expected to prepare. Want to get a good job? Go to school and get a degree. Prepare. Want to run a marathon? Workout, train and prepare. Want to be successful in life? Prepare.

All this preparation yet when it comes to one of (if not) the most important aspects of your life, you're expected to merely "wing it." As a man, you're expected to somehow know exactly what to do with a woman - yet, it's commonly accepted that men know nothing about women. Huh???

How many guys do I know in the world that are genuinely nice guys? Guys who will respect and take care of their women. The kind of guys that girls yearn for. Yet they sit at home, night after night or hang out with their friends because they just don't know how to approach women and the social stigma prohibits them from learning.

So come on now, ladies. We need more books for guys on how to meet and talk to women. Enough with the tomes on "How To Cuckold Your Man." Give us "Meeting, Chatting and Kissing Women" books for the nice guys of the world. Let them learn some techniques. Let them get a little dirty. Then you'll have these genuinely loving, caring guys with a wicked sense on how to make your toes curl...


m a r g e said...

you should make one then we will back you up. =p

Kyle Stich said...

I think that market analysis is mostly to blame for this gap. Sure, books on how to pick up women are generally viewed as sleazy. But, when it comes down to it, women make up (what was the last number?) 75% of the book buying market.

As a result, publishers aren't likely to pump money into producing books that won't sell - at least, according to market analysis.

Plus, the stereotypical male is not likely to buy a book of this nature at a public bricks-and-mortar bookstore. That would be tantamount to asking for driving directions. LOL

I'd be curious to see how ebooks, sites offering advice for males, or newsletters compare to your observation. I have strong suspicions that they may overwhelm the amount of advice offered to women.

onocoffee said...

Driving directions??? I don't NEED driving directions! Not to mention that I never cry.

There's gotta be some truth to what you've written Kyle. I certainly can see men hesitating to buy self-help books at Border's. But maybe if they're desperate...

And Marge - I'm too busy testing technique to write a book about it!