It's 5:45am. I went to sleep at 2:15. I slept for just over three hours. Anxiety forces me from my sleep and prevents me from serious and much needed rest.
As the light of day grows longer and longer, the darkness creeps over and my heart is racing.
I've made some decisions recently that I don't know if I quite believe in and it's killing me. Is it the right choice? The wrong choice? Will it spiral out of control? Will I lose everything? It's like I've put everything on the line and need to roll the hard six. As though I'm gambling everything on this one.
The risk is tremendous. The potential reward is monumental. Win, and I get everything I ever wanted. Lose and there will be nothing left. The stakes are high and there's no turning back.
When I'm gambling in Vegas or elsewhere, I'm prepared to lose. If I lose X amount, I'm covered. I haven't wagered more than I can afford to lose. This time, I'm not prepared to lose. As the darkness surrounds me, I'm scared that I'm losing my way and have chosen the wrong path.
They say there's light at the end of the tunnel. At this point, I don't know if I'll ever see that light.