Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A New Deal, Verdad

There's a saying in the English language: "Don't cut your nose off to spite your face." It's a saying that I haven't tried taking to heart. Until today.

Everyone needs a little voice to help guide them through the pits and falls of navigating relationships. In my case, I need a big "What the fuuuuuck are you doing???" from my voice and I'm glad Syl was there today to throw things back in my face with classic lines such as: "Well, that's not her problem. That's your problem (pendejo)."

It sucks when your voice is without mercy and relentless.

My problem is that I always want to be right. It's a serious design flaw in my genetic makeup. Sure, there could be smoother steps towards resolution and a continuation of a relationship, but I'm determined to be right and I'm ready to prove it - even willing to end and destroy a relationship completely in my pursuit of winning (it's that winner takes all and unless you've won you've lost kind of mentality).

It's dumb, stupid and childish and I absolutely refuse to calculate how many relationships I've wiped out because of it.

What makes it worse is when your opponent is relatively a mirrored reflection of your own personality and character flaws because as the two of us rush headfirst in a game of chicken, expecting the other to blink and give in, the only thing that happens is a horrific crash where each of us is wrong and neither wants to admit it.

With the help of La Voz, I decided today that I would be the one to blink. I'll give in. I won't pursue the "I'm right" line because, in the end, complete and utter destruction is not what I really want - it's what happens because I'm too blinded by fear to see it coming.

So today begins with a New Deal. I've gone ahead and put my egotism aside. Admittedly, it's not the deal that I really wanted. It's by no means ideal. The deal I wanted to push would have achieved everything I wanted but not what she wanted or was ready for. Today's deal gives us the hope for a new beginning - and maybe that will be enough for two Ariens (who are both always right) to have a fresh start.

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