Fondle My Balls, Please.

Do we really need xrays to find what metal detectors are designed for?

"When the TSA was established, it was never envisioned that it would become a huge, unwieldy bureaucracy which was soon to grow to 67,000 employees." "As TSA has grown larger, more impersonal, and administratively top-heavy, I believe it is important that airports across the country consider utilizing the opt-out provision provided by law."
- Representative John Mica, republican

Not long after 9/11, along with the so-called USAPATRIOT Act that started the grand erosion of our civil rights, the government (read: our politicians) decided that they would federalize all of those hapless airport security agents into a big, government bureaucracy. How in the world that anyone of salient being in 2001-2002 could not see the Transportation Security Agency growing into the train wreck that it is today is beyond me.

Even then, the most obtuse amongst us could see a new bureaucracy being formed - how this was good for anyone is anyone's guess.

Nearly ten years later, the TSA is a growing monster filled with long lines, poor customer service and now you get someone to fondle your balls before flying. Never mind the uselessness of taking off your shoes or pulling your laptop out of the bag. Forget the stupidity of dumping 5 ounces of water or a small tub of soft cheese (yes, that happened to me at ORD - guess Illinois doesn't like Wisconsin). Now the government is telling us that we should agree to undergo X-ray screening so that they can see the size of my balls and how it relates to my dick.

Or that girls' vagina.

The TSA administrators assures us that they have "security measures" to "protect our privacy." I'm sorry, but you're the last people I expect to protect my privacy - especially after you've spent the last nine years invading it. Of course, they want us to believe that those TSA people in Florida weren't passing around x-ray images and talking about the size of people's junk. In addition, they want us to believe that those images will be deleted immediately after use. Of course if you believe that, then I wear size 28 pants!


This is more likely.

Perhaps the only way to force the issue is to make it painful all the way around. I can't imagine the TSA people really want to fondle balls (mine or anyone else's), so maybe the best way to get the TSA to cease and desist is to have everyone opt out of the xray scanner and go for the pat down. The lines then become horrifically long, the TSA agents have a lot of balls to handle and it all goes to the crapper (maybe even literally).

All I know is that when I take off later this week for points beyond, I plan on bypassing the xray screening and asking them to touch my balls. Afterall, what's the point in looking at them if they're not going to be handled?

The Neil

Christian, Alex, Gerry and Neil at Spro.

The Neil is in town from Honolulu for 48 hours. The Neil is a doctor who is an Evidence Specialist for the Scientific Investigation Section's Crime Unit of the Honolulu Police Department. He's the real world CSI for Hawaii Five-O.

Of course, crime in Honolulu is anything but the automatic weapons fire, murders and kidnappings depicted in the television series. Watch Hawaii Five-O and you'd think Honoululu was the Wild West. They hardly deal with anything like that because life in Hawaii is much more relaxed and enjoyable. But what he tells me they do deal with is surprising. Tourist jumpers who have come to the islands to end it all and sexual assaults in Waikiki top the list of things the Crime Scene Unit deals with on a regular basis.


The El Mexi-Can, Mexican style hot chocolate.

The Neil is in town for some meetings or another. Could be field-related or it could be something else - the details are sparse. Whatever the case, we're old college friends and our tribe has gathered to celebrate his visit with coffee in the morning at Spro, brunch at Woodberry Kitchen, a little shopping and then proper Maryland Crabs and Filipino Pork and Chicken Adobo for dinner, capped off with some bourbon and cigars.

In the morning, The Neil jets back to Honolulu just in time for the 7pm watch with HPD.


Breakfast Pizza, er, Flatbread.




Roasted Oysters




The Winklers ponder a Ricotta Pancake.




James drops dishes for Tilly and Gerry.




Molly's Breakfast Sandwich




Burger on an English Muffin.




Fries and the Roasted Tenderloin Sandwich.




A closer look at the roasted tenderloin.




Christine, Sophie and Neil.




Steamed Crabs, Adobo, Corn and Rice. Real Eating.




Tilly and Neil ponder the excesses of a day of eating.

Taming The Shrewsbury

Holding Court - Tony teaches Cannoli.

Ask the potentially thousands of commuters if Shrewsbury is "that far" from Baltimore and they'll tell you: "it's not too bad."

Well, I'll tell you: It is that bad.

Okay, perhaps not bad like driving the DC Beltway or attempting a leisurely drive up the 405 Freeway at 5:15pm, but it's no picnic either. And it's far away.

We're up in Shrewsbury tonight for Tony's annual bonfire party. A gathering of friends, food and fire. Kids and adults and parents.

A nice time with a big fire, cigars and drinks.


"I crush you!!!!"




Now that's a fire!

Testing 1, 2, 3

The Sensory Practical Test at Spro.

It's been a year since the people who became the baristas of Spro Hampden started and a new group of recruits is working to join their ranks. Time for a little barista testing to see just how everyone is doing and to ensure their sensory taste skills are still up to scratch.

Borrowing elements from the Q Grader and WBC Judges Certification programs, the new battery of tests pits the baristas (and candidates) against an array of written and sensory tests. A 50 question, multiple choice, fill in the blank and True/False tests starts off the day with coffee triangulation and coffee identification following.

From there, it's back to practical evaluations. Shot pulling, milk steaming, waste monitoring and even latte art design all come into review. For some it may seem tough, but while the tests are designed to be challenging, they should be relatively easy for the workaday barista at Spro who is constantly tasting and evaluating coffee as part of their daily routine.

Market Report

Un Romance Difettoso

I want your love,
And I want your revenge,
I Want your love,
I don't wanna be friends,
J'ai ton amour,
Et je veux ton revanche,
J'ai ton amour,
I don't wanna be friends.

It's been a long time since I've gone to a concert. U2 would be cool to see in concert but at $250 per ticket, I think that's a bit much - even for U2.

However, lately I've becoming increasingly obsessed with the phenomenon known as Lady Gaga. Of all the artists out there today, it is Gaga that truly delivers the goods. She's a SuperStar of Epic Proportions.

Beyond the simplistic and catchy tunes that threaten to leave her as a one hit album wonder instead of the next Madonna, Gaga packs more punch than just about any artist today. Watch videos of her performances or appearances and she's always over the top. From crazy outfits to entourages to just about anything, there's nothing understated or normal about Lady Gaga.

And the stuff I've heard about her performances has been nothing short of outrageous. Large set pieces, multiple costume changes. Gaga gives it her all when out in the public and really, should we expect anything less from our rock stars?

Certainly there are many artists out there putting out more lyrical, more poignant and more insightful music, but I'm not seeing much beyond the rocker/hipster standing in front of the microphone wailing or the hip hop artist dancing around in bling. Lady Gaga seems to glitter and even though it is manufactured by her own group called Haus of Gaga, who can deny that it's exciting to watch?

On top of that, the videos I've seen actually demonstrate that Gaga has true musical talent: she can play music. An added plus and an unusual twist in the world of modern day pop music that lingers over the legacy of boy bands and Justin Bieber.

So, with all that in mind, and the fact that I'm going to find myself awash in Europe for a few days next month, I've decided to venture to Milano and catch Lady Gaga in concert at the Mediolanum Forum in Assago.

If any of you are in town that weekend, let me know...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... Caught in a Bad Romance...

Miller's Deli

Corned Beef & Pastrami with Russian dressing and cole slaw on toasted rye.

Perhaps about once a year, I get a craving for a taste of the old neighborhood. The neighborhood that I grew up in: Pikesville. The lone Gentile in a sea of Jews. Fly over our neighborhood Christmas Eve and you could pick out our house because ours was the only house with Christmas lights.

Growing up in Pikesville was a unique experience and one that lent itself to tastings of peanut butter and matzoh sandwiches, matzoh ball soup, gefilte fish and the omni-present corned beef and pastrami sandwiches. While this may have been the atypical American Experience, I didn't know any better. It was all normal to me.


Matzoh Ball Soup.

Like I said, every once in a while, I get the craving for real corned beef & pastrami. And when I do, I typically end up at Miller's Deli in the Greenspring Shopping Center. Perhaps Miller's is not as "authentic" as say Attman's or Carnegie or Katz's. But it's usually pretty good, it's in my old neighborhood and that's enough for me.

Eating corned beef and pastrami at a Jewish deli is always an exercise in excess. Maybe it's those many years out in the desert running from the Egyptians and living on what must have been measly crumbs following The Lord, or maybe it's just newfound bounty in the new country, whatever the case may be, the sandwiches are always large, overstuffed and enough to choke you.

I asked the kitchen crew to put a heavy toast on my rye bread. "Burn it," the guy at the counter told his team. Nice. When my sandwich came out it was piled high. And messy looking. Corned beef, pastrami, cheese, cole slaw and a dousing of Russian dressing, mashed between my two burned pieces of rye toast. Excellent.


Poorly cooked french fries - oil temp too low.

Then came the Matzoh Ball Soup. Nothing tremendous here and I wonder if they make it or simply pour a bunch of canned broth into a pot, add some noodles and some heaping matzoh balls. It's decent but nothing to run for. The fries? Well, sadly they were the worst. Forgotten during my order, the crew fired it up quickly but obviously the oil wasn't hot enough and the fries were grease laden. A shame.

Sandwiches like this make me think that perhaps I should pen a series on The Great Pastrami of Baltimore. This would require constant travel to the various delis and samples of their sandwiches. It's a noble cause but one that I think I should pass on and only attempt on a very casual level.


Miller's Deli
2849 Smith Avenue
Baltimore, MD 21209
410-602-2233

That Picture Makes No Sense

Rebecca doing lighting tests.

Quite some time ago, I received this in the commentaries:

"the picture on the front page makes no sense and says nothing about your business. maybe it's hilarious to you and your baristas but it does nothing to entice anyone to visit your coffee shops."

Seems that every once in a while I manage to hit some nerve somewhere with people that they just want to rise up in arms and burn me in effigy. Obviously, this person is upset.

Truth be told, the whiner is actually referring to this image on Spro Coffee's website. It's a group photo of the entire company (December 2009) in a mock male strip club (the Chippendale's dancers are also our baristas).

I guess I could be more understanding of the outrage if we were a bunch of guys ogling women, but if you want to make it sinister, it could be said that we're objectifying men and empowering the women. But it has nothing to do with any of that foolishness.


Devlin and Jeremy prepare themselves while Mia watches.

The company photo shoots are fun. Not serious. And they don't usually have anything directly to do with coffee. What does it say about our business? That we're fun, personable and don't take it too seriously. We make coffee, not religion.

I do have to wonder about the "enticing people to come to our coffee shop" thing. Clearly, this person is turned off by our not serious enough photo shoots. The person said so and, I presume, has chosen not to visit us. That would be a shame. But if one cannot relax a bit and not take themselves so seriously then perhaps our little shops are not the right fit for that person.

I'm afraid that person might be a bit too stodgy for our merry crew of baristas.


The Haus of Spro - (not the final image).

As our crew has been changing, the time came for another quick photo shoot. One that we could shoot relatively easily and before everyone started going on tour. This time, a Lady Gaga inspired shoot would be our target.

Gather the crew in the midst of the shift change, do a quick rehearsal, run outside and shoot some lighting tests, herd the group into the middle of street, make sure no one gets run over and start firing.

Click, click, click and another dozen or so shots later, the shoot was in the bag, the baristas went home (or back to making coffee) and a new, not serious enough, image was ready for the website.

So for those of you waiting for a serious photo from the Baristas of Spro, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait a while longer.

You can see the final image here.

Electricity, E-Lectricity...

I find wiring electric to be a fascinating exercise. Ever since I watched the electricians on movie sets doing their thing, I've always found it interesting. As time went by, I started doing a little wiring project of my own here and there. Additional outlets, extensions, switches, ceiling fans, sub panels - always fascinating.

Of course, there's plenty of electrical work I either can't do or just don't have the expertise to do. Wiring and electricity is relatively simple. At a very basic level, it's just matching the colors. Of course, the downside is that an improper job will result in injury and you might even electrocute yourself. Not exactly the way to cap off your day.

But for now, I'll tinker with small projects and keep my growing collection of Klein tools nearby.

The Trouble With V60s

Rebecca through the lens of the V60.

This is something I've been pondering for several months now.

Spro Hampden opened on March 18, 2010 for Friends & Family. The next day, it opened for normal service and has been going non-stop ever since. Since the fall of 2009, we've been working with the Beehouse pourover drip brewer and sometime in April 2010, I bought a couple of Hario V60 pourovers for testing in our labs.

Somehow over the next month, those two V60s made their way into service on the brew bar. My merry band of baristas had been playing with them, liked them and started using them in service. I personally was skeptical.

For two months, the V60 remained quite popular amongst the Spro baristas, outpacing its use over the Beehouse. Why? Much of it seemed to center around the notion that the Beehouse was kinda slow.

By July, our baristas started to swing the other way. After nearly two full months of regular V60 service, the little Hario brewer started to fall out of favor and the Beehouse returned to more and more cups.

Within the rest of the "3W" Coffee World, the Hario V60 seems to reign supreme. From shop to shop, all across the nation, everyone and their coffee mother is clamoring to add a V60 brew bar to their shops, or even replace their other brew methods completely.

And I'm really thinking that just about everyone is purporting a sham.

No doubt about it, the V60 is wildly popular. And why shouldn't it be? It's relatively cheap to buy. Cheap to operate. Cheap to replace. Comes in a variety of style and colors. Has a cool design. But most importantly in a production environment: you can brew a cup of coffee in a minute and thirty seconds. Flat.

Add to the speed issue that by doing a V60 brew, you're able to give the customer the impression that you're doing something special, something unique, something cool just for them, when really you're actually just passing off a sham. A fast-brewed, underextracted and not so great cup of coffee that they think is better because it came with a better show.

Watch most of these V60 baristas and what are they doing? They're putting ground coffee into the V60 and then gunning it full of water and letting the stuff flow out. One point Five minutes later, you're coffee is ready. Add a little sugar and cream and most of the people really won't notice the difference.

Some of you are probably wondering: "what's with the 1.5 minute thing?" Well, it's mainly because most standard practices for drip brew coffee calls for an extraction time of 3-5 minutes. That gives the coffee enough interaction time with the water to pull out all of those essential oils and solids that make coffee into coffee. It's not something that you normally rush unless you're using some sort of pressurized extraction, like the vac pot, espresso machine or Aeropress.

Defenders of this practice are sure to whip out their meters and tell you that yes, their meter readings demonstrate that this 1.5 minute coffee registers at 19%, but what they're not telling you is that they've just used two to three times the average amount of coffee to achieve this. Reminds me of the kind of thinking that went along with that automated brewer a few years back where baristas were using 44grams of coffee per serving (when 24 grams would normally have sufficed).

Quite simply: Don't Believe The Hype.

I battled with the V60 myself. Early on, in our lab tests, I noticed that the V60 was fast. Extremely fast. Those vortex channels, paired with that large, gaping hole meant that the V60 was all about the Path Of Least Resistance and that liquid would flow through at a high rate. Pour water into an empty V60 and it's gone. Pour water into an empty Beehouse and it takes a bit of time for the liquid to pass through the three small holes in the brewer.

It is those reduced orifice holes that restrict the flow of water causing pooling in the brewer that aid in infusing the coffee. It is an absolute essential part of brewing and one that you, as the barista, must ensure to create. This means that you either use a more restricted flow brewer (like the Beehouse and subequently, the BonMac) or that you control the flow of water carefully with the V60.

Running and Gunning the V60 makes sense for a variety of reasons:

1 - It gives customers the impression that you're doing something special.
2 - It is fast and allows you to process a line quickly.
3 - It looks personal for the customer.
4 - It allows you to make yourself look better and more "craft."
5 - It allows you to charge much more for the coffee.

However, what Running and Gunning doesn't do is: ensure a quality cup that is superior to other brewing methods, or at the very least, equivalent in quality to a properly calibrated and set Fetco Extractor Brewer.

Sadly, most of the V60 coffee served in America is of lower quality than that of a properly set up Fetco.

And they're charging more.

Recently, a world famous barista was listening to me casually mention that I push my baristas to time out their V60 brews with a target of 3:30 to 4:00 total brew time. The reaction he gave me indicated that he disagreed and that my approach was probably overkill. Of course, I disagree with his disagreement, but I wasn't interested in discussing brewing standards so I left it alone.

Of course, I could be wrong. I doubt it. But I could be wrong. Next time you're out there buying a cup of V60 brewed coffee, watch how they brew and see if they're doing the Run & Gun approach to your coffee. It probably isn't as good as it could be.

Five Months of Darkness

Many across America rejoice the "additional" hour of sleep today as the nation switches from Daylight Savings to Standard Time. As for myself, I dread it.

This time-tested tradition only means that the days become dramatically shorter and sunset will soon be happening at 4:30pm - the absolute most dreadful time of the year.

Last year around this time, I was just returning from a trip to Nicaragua and would remain home for five months straight. Five months ensconced in darkness, buried in snow, freezing in the cold, building a new coffee shop, training new baristas, experiencing innumerable building/opening delays, running the company into the deep red and simply making poor personal life judgments.

Last winter was dark and bleak. A dark time in my life. Lots of little mistakes and one majorly bad choice made those five months drag on as though the world was grinding to a halt and I was on fire.

Quite simply, I don't ever want that kind of winter ever again.

Some people love the winter, the snow and the darkness. I am not one of them. Eight years living in Honolulu and not once did I ever wish for cold or snow. Yet, in the midst of winter, I always long for warmth and sunshine.

As I write this, it's nearing 4pm. The Ravens are just about to win another game and the sun is low in the sky, threatening to set very soon.

I can't wait to fly the hell outta here as soon as possible.

Ten Years and a Little Hit and Run

A gathering of 80 of your closest cigar buddies.

I've been enjoying cigars for about sixteen years now and through the years, the proverbial leaf has been very kind to me, introducing me to a wonderful world of friends that would not have been possible without that shared passion. So when Dave called to tell me that they were celebrating Dan's Tobacco Center's 10th Anniversary with a big party, I couldn't say no.

It was smoky. It was thick. It was jammed packed. My truck even got hit by a hit-and-run driver - that's how crazy the party was. A word of note: it's not a good idea to hit-and-run the vehicle of a cigar smoker, because one of his buddies will see it and another buddy is a State Trooper who will now be charging you. And since you've now pulled them out of their revelry because of your criminality, it won't be pleasant...


Dan offers words of welcome, door prizes...

Sitting for hours in a smoke-filled room is, even for the seasoned cigar professional, a difficult proposition. Add some food, some drinks and a little entertainment and time passes enjoyably. Toss in a couple well-timed visits outside and all is well, the port is flowing, the food is plentiful and there's even more dancing.

Happy tenth anniversary Dan and many more to you!


...and some Middle Eastern entertainment.

Spro Report, October 2010

Sales numbers are in for October 2010 and I thought I would share some statistics with the readership. Since Spro Hampden's coffee program is unique in the industry I was wondering how it might compare to other coffee programs out there.

The first two numbers comprise total coffee sales for October and the breakdown between brew bar and espresso-based beverages. Brewed Coffee totals include all coffees brewed via Vac Pot, Chemex, Pour Over, Eva Solo, Abid Clever, Aeropress, French Press and Cold Drip Tower for iced coffee.

TOTAL COFFEE SALES
Brewed Coffee - 44.3%
Espresso Drinks - 55.6%

These next figures are a breakdown of the various beverages made on the espresso bar with espresso coffee as a base component. These figures are the percentages of the 55.6% that comprises part of the Total Coffee Sales for October.

ESPRESSO DRINKS
Latte - 31.5%
Cappuccino - 22.2%
Americano - 13%
Mocha - 9%
Espresso - 7.3%
Macchiato - 3.9%

As a side note, during the month of October 2010, these are the coffees that we served on the brew bar:

Amaro Gayo, Ethiopia, custom roast - 14.9%
Benavente, Guatemala, Stumptown NYC - 13.3%
Finca El Injerto, Stumptown - 1.0%
Finca La Tinta, Honduras, Ecco Caffe - 5.7%
Finca Lerida, Panama, Origins Organic - 4.4%
Finca Mauritania, El Salvador, Counter Culture - 1.4%
Karumandi Peaberry, Kenya, Barefoot Coffee - 10.2%
La Laguna - 1.6%
La Pira Dry Cherry, Costa Rica, Barefoot Coffee - 5.9%
Mordecofe, Ethiopia, Stumptown - 0.7%
Ruvuma, Tanzania, Callao Coffee - 1.9%
Santa Barbara Estates, Brazil, Tim Wendelboe - 0.9%
Sidama Silcho, Ethiopia, Intelligentsia - 1.2%
Thiriku, Kenya, Counter Culture - 2.3%
Yirgacheffe Natural, Ethiopia, Origins Organic - 15.1%
Decaf Valle del Santuario, Peru, Counter Culture - 4.4%

Throughout October, seventeen coffees (one missed inclusion in these stats) were offered to our guests in addition to our standard Hines Espresso from Origins Organic Coffee of Vancouver, BC. Guest espressos finding their way into our hoppers during the month of October included E-27, Apollo and Toscano from Counter Culture and the single origin El Tambor Guatemala from Ecco Caffe.

Paper or Cloth?

The untouched virgin.

Last month, I picked up a couple of Hario cloth filters for the V60 pourover brewer. The idea is that the cloth will reduce our brew paper waste. They're nice looking and come with 1, 2 and 3 cup embroidered markings.

It's still early in the testing phase and I'm not sure if the cloth will actually make it to production but I'd be interested to hear test results from the rest of you out there.



Head to head brew testing.

One Hour Seven Minutes

Long lines at the polling place.

Maybe getting closer...

Two lines - craziness!

Line Two.

The home stretch.

The most important vote of all.

One hour and Seven Minutes.

Worth A 1,000 Words

Over the past couple of years, this blog has increasingly been using images as a main part of the reading experience and now I've come across a bit of a problem. I've run into Google/Blogger's 1GB free storage limit and am faced with a dilemma: A)purchase more storage space, or B)move the blog to a company server that we're already paying for.

In the meantime, while I ponder over this conundrum, the images may slow down to a wee trickle.

Just to let you know.

CO2691 EWR-BWI

The inside cabin of the Embraer Regional Jet. Cozy.

I'm flying home and the plane is tiny. I might imagine myself on my own private G550 if there weren't so many people on board. Luckily, I spy an open solo exit row seat across from a pretty Middle Eastern girl and take the advantage.

Hello. I'm looking pretty haggard after thirteen hours of travel. She's quite nicely dressed and looking very expensive. We chat for a few moments before I decide that I'd rather listen to music than the loud drone of the cabin for the next hour.

The flight home is uneventful. I'm waiting for some dramatic display of power to weight ratio on takeoff but it never comes. The landing is bouncy but we don't fly off the runway, negating the landing video I've been shooting.


Soaring above the Eastern Seaboard.

As we pull up to the gate, I'm reminded that once again, I've reach home. The forecast is calling for a cold front and I'm assured that there's a long, dark and bleak winter ahead.

Time to start planning the next trip. And soon.

Cafe Opcao

Tony Adia at Cafe Opcao, Ironbound District, Newark, NJ.

For whatever reason, I really ended up with a crappy itinerary this trip. An overnight flight from Houston to Bogota that was absolutely brutal and then a nearly six hour layover in Newark for the flight home to Baltimore. I could drive a car, take a train or bus from Newark and get home faster. But then I wouldn't get the miles.

So rather than standing by for an earlier flight, or grabbing my bags and taking the train, I called up Tony Adia and told him that we should get together and get something to eat. Of course, that's not before the Border Security agent tells me that he's doing a "random screening" and then asks me if my family comes from Colombia. Uh dude, my family is from the other side of the planet and you just tried to bullshit me about 'random' screenings.

I can't help but wonder how many white people are told they're being selected for a "random" screening.



Francesinha - ham, beef and egg sandwich smothered in gravy and french fries.

And into the Ironbound District we go to find everything Portuguese and eat at Cafe Upcao. While Upcao's menu is limited (I did have Vatapa on the mind), the selections were very good and along with outside seating (and a couple Montecristo cigars), life is New Jersey can actually be good.

The lovely thing about Brazilians and I guess the Portuguese: they like eggs. Eggs on the sandwich, eggs on the steak. It's eggs, eggs, eggs and I'm liking it. The food is rich, delicious and filling, requiring a post dinner walk along the avenue where we spot a bunch of girls at dance practice. Not a bad way to return to the United States.


Chourissa Asada - BBQ Portuguese Sausage



Inside the Francesinha.



Bitoque - Sirloin steak with rice, Spanish potatoes, ham and egg on top.



Bailamos!!!

CO880 BOG-EWR

Visions of a United Future...



I've got a row all to myself!



Departing Bogota.



Out the window.



Relatively comfortable - in my underwear...



Lunch. Or is it breakfast?



Not bad.



I don't know where we are but I'd like to land, please.



The City of Brotherly Love.